Life Inspiration Moving Forwards~

I've been away from my old life for about 8 months now. Fishing for 4 and living in Sweden. Spending time in a northern winter has given me time to rest and reflect. It was in these months that I became afraid of what was to come. Would I finally become destitute like I had feared? 

A few ideas and opportunities have come up. They are much more responsible and grounded than I had in mind and I'm thankful for that. I really don't know what will end up happening but here's a scenario I'm excited about. I'm trying to allow myself to hope and be open with it- if it doesn't go as planned- that's okay too. 

More than anything right now I want to build a home. A cabin, a space to house my belongings. I want it to be in Oona River. I've travelled lots and my heart still yearns for a small home base there. Not to live permanently - but a place to regroup and be in community when needed. 

Currently, I have the world at my fingertips. I could go anywhere, travel, school, really anything- but what my heart wants is to build a home. 

An advertisement came up a while ago to apply for a position with the coast guard radio centre in Prince Rupert. I have an interview with them in February. That's where the uncertainty comes in- will I pass it - the prerequisite testing and training?

Initially I applied for the training one day because I was feeling so scared with the unknown of what was to come. Once I applied, my heart rested. 

The other day when I received the news that my resume was selected for an interview- new experience for me- I thought- wait- wasn't I just working towards moving into the unknown- away from "working life". The more I thought about it that day though, the more I began to fall in love with the idea. 

Maybe I could experience the East coast, maybe I could go to school, maybe I would love stability in work and finance. This lifestyle would open up a safe door to pursue my hearts longing for a cabin- with the working schedule being 2 days, 2 nights and 5 days off. Maybe this is actually perfect timing. The support through scheduling and finances through this work would make cabin building a lot more attainable. 

So, for now, I'll return home. I'll go to the interview, try and find a sunny, tropical retreat, complete my STCW 95 courses- to have in my pocket. Make sure my lifeguarding tickets are up to date, and maybe, maybe head to school. 

We shall see. 

I was laugh/ crying at the situation last night too- that the fishing experience CONTINUES to humble me. As, maybe I won't be asked to do another season. Maybe I'm not the most natural mariner or fisherman. 

I will try to move through life learning. Sometimes on my knees. I can be a slower learner but the longing to gain understandings is so intense for me. Maybe I'm not the best au pair, fisherman, carpenter, baker, photographer, writer, lifeguard- maybe I've taken up space for those who could do better jobs than me. I hope, however, that all these experience that my heart yearns for- add up to a greater good- that I can share. 

Here are some old photos I grabbed for inspiration. 

Here's to a spring. May I be strong, humble, trusting, driven, open, soft and gentle. 


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