I'm still having a hard go of it- in regards to finding trust, confidence, and intuition. 

The last while I've been short with those around me. 

So frustrated. 

With myself- so I take it out on them? 

I'm living in fear of the future. 

A golfball forms in my throat and water in my eyes when my mind wanders there. 

It's all I can focus on and it's all about me. 

Me. Me. Me. I. I. I. I. I. I. 

What will I do? What do you think I should do?



I am so scared. Of who I will become if I stay. Of who I may become after I go. 

I can't find much help that sinks in these days. From friends, family, mentors, strangers, people I look up to- if God himself were to tell me what to do in plain words- I'm not sure I could hear it. 

I need to cry. I'm scared. I am so scared. 

I want to be held. Told it will be okay. 

And I have been. 

But it doesn't sink in. 

To let it go. Find trust, reason, love and grace. 

Please, oh please, oh please, oh please. 


On a side note, the Easter events at work went so amazingly well. Spring is here. The days are long and weather, beautiful. My friends are close at hand and family a phone call away. 

The pendulum swings both ways. As always. 


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